You’re realizing that you’re with the wrong guy.  You know that you should end the relationship but you can’t imagine a future without him.  How do you even separate your intertwined lives? You honestly thought that he was the one that you were going to marry.

Unfortunately, heartbreak is an unavoidable evil of this life. We all make unwise decisions that will inevitably affect many others. Ending a relationship is very difficult, but it’s important to do it as soon as possible if you already know that he’s not the one for you. You can check out ‘6 Guys to Resist’ and ‘5 Truths Why You’re Still Single’. Here are some of the benefits for ending it now:

1. You’ll be able to move on quicker. You are wasting time (his and yours) when you continue to invest in a relationship that needs to end. Time is the most precious resource that we all have. Once time is gone, we can never get it back.
2. Both you and him can begin to heal before you both get ready for your future mates. Healing requires time and it cannot be rushed. Sometimes, it can take years to even realize the damage that has been done. After over 10 years of my first failed relationship, I realised that I had some serious rejection issues. Yes, it took me that long!
3. You can begin to work on the issues that contributed to your poor decisions. You need to discover your weaknesses and flaws and actively work on becoming a healthier person. If you don’t, it is quite likely that you’ll repeat the same mistakes in the future.
4. You will be making room for your future husband. You never know…he might actually be observing you right now.

I was in a relationship with a guy (‘Charlie’) for over 5 years that needed to end. I couldn’t imagine life without him. ‘Charlie’ was a good guy, but there were some aspects of the relationship that were not healthy at all. Deep down, I knew that it needed to end, but I didn’t want to end it. I remember talking with one of my friends who was seeing all the mess. He was advising me to open my eyes and put an end to the ‘madness’. I said to him, ‘you don’t think that God can change him?’ Ladies, we cannot be in love with the future version of a man.  Who knows when the change might come?! It might be when he’s on his last breath after 50 years of a stressful marriage! You don’t want to spend your whole married life in mourning and praying for your husband to change. We know that no one is perfect, but choose your battles very carefully (read ‘6 Guys to Resist’).

“There are many people who will stay in negative situations because it is familiar, rather than go where there is promise of something good, because that would be something unfamiliar” 
― Stormie Omartian, Lead Me, Holy Spirit: Longing to Hear the Voice of God

I have learned some important lessons when ‘Charlie’ and I broke up. If there was one thing we did well, it was that we ended the relationship well. Here are some tips that can help you as you end your relationship:

1) Pray

Although we see men as tough and strong, they have hearts that can hurt just like ours. If you know that you’re going to break up with him, pray that:

1. God will help him to deal with the breakup healthily.
2. God will heal his heart.
3. He may run to God to fill the void in his life.
4. God will help him to change in the ways that are unhealthy.

You can pray along similar lines for yourself. It’s always good to invite the prayers of other believers during this time. ‘The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective’ (James 5:16b).

2) Be direct

When you’re dealing with someone’s heart, it’s best not to ‘beat around the bush’.  You owe it to him to be as tactful as you can in expressing your desire to end it.  At that point in time, I wouldn’t recommend making any promises that there might be a possible re-establishment of the relationship in the future. You don’t know the future. As you develop, you will become a different person and if he remains unchanged, you may not be interested. Please note that if you’re in a very abusive relationship, you’ll need to take great precautionary measures when informing him of the break-up.

3) Set boundaries

When ‘Charlie’ and I entered our relationship, ‘Charlie’ said that if we were to ever break-up, we should have no contact for at least 6 months. I willingly agreed although I didn’t think we would ever break-up! This was one of the best and wisest decisions that we made. You often hear about couples who are ‘on again and off again’ repeatedly for years. That pattern happens because they continue to operate like they are in a relationship with each other. They see, call and message each other regularly. This type of behavior is emotionally draining to say the least.

Additionally, you might be the person who is certain that you don’t want to be with the other person. ‘Charlie’ might be hoping that one day, you’ll come back to him. When you remain in constant contact with your ‘Charlie’, you are not helping him to move on. He will remain hopeful that a ‘re-uniting’ is imminent. Later, when he hears that you’ve found the ‘love of your life’, he’ll be more devastated and heart-broken. Love him enough by helping him to move on as quickly as possible. Cut the communication channels for an extended time. This may sound harsh, but sometimes we need to take drastic measures to protect ourselves and others. How much time would you allow for no communication? After the time has elapsed, you can decide how much communicating you will do with him. If the relationship was highly abusive, you may want to stay away indefinitely.

4) Develop your relationship with God

During this difficult season, you want to focus more time in your relationship with God. The break-up will leave a void in your life and growing intimacy with Jesus is the best void-filler. You need His healing and deliverance. You’ll need His truth to uncover the issues that you must address. You’ll need His grace to go through this rough, trying period. You’ll need his wisdom and direction to take corrective action. You’ll need His strength to go through the difficult, stretching but needed growing pains. You simply need God! The process of growth is not easy but it’s necessary. Don’t take shortcuts:) An excellent resource that I’ve read is ‘Changes that Heal: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You’’ by Henry Cloud.

5) Surround yourself with family and friends

We are created for relationship. Oftentimes, God uses other humans in our healing process. You need your family and friends more than ever. Also, ask God for healthy female friends. My closest friends are female and it would be difficult to journey through life without them. Not all female friends are created equal so pray about it and proceed with faith and not fear in working on those relationships.

6) Work on developing you

After the break-up, you will have more time on your hands. Start dreaming again about the ‘new and improved’ you. What hobbies would you like to start? Which places would you like to visit? What new skill would you like to nurture? Exciting times are ahead for you!

As time passes, your heart will heal and the sting of the loss will become less and less. You’ll be glad that you took courage and ended the relationship sooner rather than later. During the initial extended time apart from him, work on yourself, your relationship with God and others. In the midst of the crying, you’ll also learn to laugh as you let God and others into your pain. My encouragement to you is to let go of fear and take steps of faith to end it now.

“Fear is the currency of oppression.” By Danielle Strickland

Journaling is a good practice when you end a relationship. It will help you to be aware of your emotions and let it all out on paper. Bottling up toxic emotions can never be healthy.  You’ll find that journaling will be therapeutic for you and assist you in coming to terms with all that’s happening. Read ‘10 Quick and Easy Tips to Start Journaling TODAY’. Join my 21-day journal challenge and get your FREE journal printable to start today.

What are some tips that you’ve found helpful in ending a relationship? I’d love to hear about your break-up experiences and the lessons that you’ve learnt. Please feel free to comment below. Your comment might be helpful to another woman. You can also share your fears about breaking up. I want to be there for you in your journey. Subscribe and get your FREE ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. You will also receive my weekly email tips and be able communicate with me directly.

Subscribe, share and comment!

With love,

Kimberly

Recommended Books:

‘Beating the Break-up Habit’ by Dick Purcell

‘Changes That Heal: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You’’ by Henry Cloud

‘Changes That Heal Workwork: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You’ by Henry Cloud

‘Lead me, Holy Spirit, Longing to Hear the Voice of God’ by Stormie Omartian

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The post 6 Tips to End a Relationship Well appeared first on Petals Bloom.

What should you do? You don’t have to be bored to death with your life. In fact, the single years can be the most fun and exciting time of your life filled with purpose and adventure.

However, we need to be careful what kind of fun we have. God has given us free choice, but some choices will be unprofitable in the long run. They will leave you with a “whole heap” of headaches (literal and figurative).  

“Variety is the spice of life” (An old adage)

Here are 10 fun ideas to kill boredom:

1) Socializing.

My number one suggestion is hanging out with friends and/or family.  In Trinidad & Tobago, it is fondly referred to as ‘liming’… eating, talking, and laughing.  It might be good to gather a few single friends and form a hang-out ‘crew’.  There are so many options, but here are a few to consider:

Some ideas:

• Plan a picnic;
• Have a potluck feast where everyone brings a dish;
• Go to a restaurant (no cooking required).
• Visit friends.  
• Go to the movies, show, theatre, theme park, etc.
• Try a fun sport together;
• Organise a monthly games night (and while you’re at it, invite some single Christian guys! *smile*).
  

For example, my housemates and I started having themed “Games Nite” once per month. It became quite popular as a Friday night social event and people began attending from all over the country!

Choose people who you enjoy. It should be a time of enjoyment and not punishment:). Socializing can surely kill boredom.

2) Reading or listening to books.

For some of you, this might not sound like fun, but give it a try.  This is my personal favorite hobby. Are there books that you’ve been ‘dying’ to read but it just has not happening?  You can use your free time to just sit back, get your favorite beverage and read or listen to a book.  Here are a few suggested books:

Fiction

• “Blessed Child“ by Bill Bright and Ted Dekker
• “Chronicles of Narnia” (series) by C.S. Lewis
• “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austin
• “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee

Biographies or Autobiographies

• ”Death of a Guru: A Remarkable True Story of One Man’s Search For Truth” by Rabí R. Maharaj
• “The Hiding Place” by Corrie Ten Boom
• ”Harriet Tubman: The Moses of Her People” by Sarah H. Bradford, Jim Hodges, et. al.
• ”William Tyndale”

Relationship with God

• The Holy Bible
• The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence
• The Incomparable Christ by J. Oswald Sanders
• More Than a Carpenter by Josh McDowell

Inspirational

• Strong Women, Soft Hearts by Paula Rhinehart
• Brokenness, Surrender and Holiness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
• Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye by Carolyn McCulley
• The Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman by Anne Ortlund

Relationship with men

• Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
• 10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men by Sabrina Alexis and Eric Charles
• Finding the Love of Your Life by Neil Clark Warren
• Building a Relationship That Lasts by Dick Purnell

Growth and Wholeness

• Changes that Heal by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
• Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald
• Victory Over the Darkness by Neil Anderson
• Margins by Richard Swenson

Sex-related

• The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex by Josh McDowell
• Sex and the Soul of a Woman by Paula Rhinehart
• The Purity Principle by Randy Alcorn
• Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot

Money-related

• Five Wealth Secrets by Craig Hill
• The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason
• The Treasure Principle by Randy Alcorn
• Living Large: How to Live Well Even on a Little by J. Raymond Albrektson

Leadership

• Leadership Coaching by Tony Stoltzfus
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
• The Speed of Trust by Stephen M.R. Covey
• The Performance Factor: Unlocking the Secrets of Teamwork by MacMillan

Passing your time with a good book will surely help to kill boredom.

3) A Weekend Get-Away.

This sounds like paradise!  You don’t necessarily have to leave the country, but try to leave your home. At least once a year, it’s healthy to set aside time to get away from all the busyness of life.  

You can use it to invest in your relationship with God and/or to de-stress. Also, you can also try a ‘Silence & Solitude’ retreat and unplug from all distractions.  If you’re like me and you don’t feel comfortable going to a strange place by yourself, then take along a friend or relative who has the same agenda of ‘getting away’.  

4) Enjoy nature.

How about taking a trip to the mountains or the beach or a river or a nature reserve?  Hike, bike or walk and enjoy God’s creation. Or just stay at home and enjoy what you have around you. I love to sit in our porch, look at the trees, listen to the birds, and just think.  It’s very refreshing!

5) Traveling.

I have travelled to over thirty countries within the last nine years and it has been fabulous! Nine out of ten times, I was alone.

You can travel to visit family or friends or simply go site seeing on your own. Solo travel seems to be becoming more popular and companies are beginning to offer packages to meet the needs of the growing number of singles traveling alone.

6) Get in touch with your creative side.

You can rediscover that childhood creative streak that has been buried for some years.  I used to love doing crafts when I was younger.  Maybe this year, I will find a craft project to re-energize that creative part of me.  What about you? Are there any activities that you haven’t done in a while that gives you life?

Some suggestions:

• Craft Project
• Baking
• Painting
• Writing a song
• Coloring
• Playing a musical instrument

7) Volunteer.

One thing that is always in short supply is a good labourer. The world is ripe with opportunities to serve children, the elderly, the homeless, or refugees.  Without a doubt, you have gifts that you can use to bless someone.

The need to alleviate human suffering is great globally. Gather a few friends and have an outreach or join someone else who is actively involved in bringing love, hope and cheer. You’ll definitely kill every ounce of boredom in your life!

8) Create a bucket list.

What are some things that you’d absolutely love to do before you leave this earth?  Would you like to travel the world, help with the refugee crisis or go skydiving?

While you’re single, this is the time to try to accomplish those things.  One of my desires was to visit Australia and I did that a few years ago. It was worth the longgggggg flights.

9) Babysit.

There is never a dull moment with children in your life. Kill boredom instantly! Invite your nephews and nieces (biological or not) to your home for a day or two.  Their parents might be super grateful for the help.

You can give the children a time of their lives that they will remember for years to come.  “Susan” was babysitting my friends’ two children.  I was passing by and to my surprise, she made hot chocolate, baked chicken wings, pineapple chow, pizza and some other goodies.  

Furthermore, a tent was erected in the living room furnished with a sleeping bag, pillows, a plant (haha) and a projector for watching Netflix.  They also had a list of fun activities for the night. I was blown away. “Susan” was having just as much fun as the children! Lol

Here are some ideas for entertaining children:

• Play board games.
• Read books to them.
• Watch a movie together.
• Bake or cook with them.
• Take them to a park or zoo.

10) Learn a new skill or begin a new hobby.

There are countless online courses now.  Check out Youtube, Udemy, Teachable, SkillsShare or LinkedIn to name a few to learn a new skill.  There might also be free or cheap courses offered in your country.

Do some research and you never know what you might discover.  Join an art class, dance lessons, cooking course or photography course. You’ll kill boredom and you never know who you might meet in the process! Hmmmm:)

Related articles:

5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful 

5 Crazy Things People Say to Single Women

10 Fantastic Ideas When You Are Stuck At Home

Summary

I’m sure you can come up with other ideas yourself.  The key to enjoying your singleness to the max is to be intentional. What are some activities that have helped you to enjoy this season?  Please comment below. Your ideas just might interest someone else.

Remember to subscribe, like and follow.  Get your copy of the FREE ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire.  As you wrestle with some of the questions, you might discover the gem that you are and also areas in your life that may require some attention. I’ve been getting a LOT of good feedback from the 21-day journal challenge. It’s not too late. You can join today! Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

Like, share & subscribe!

With lots of love,

Kimberly Garth

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post 10 Fun Ideas to Kill Boredom From Today! appeared first on Petals Bloom.

You just saw on social media that another one of your friends is getting married. Last week, you went to your younger cousin’s wedding.

Then you begin to think, ”Is something wrong with me?.”  You look in the mirror and you see an attractive, intelligent woman with an incredible sense of humor.  

Moreover, you’re a woman who loves God and is seeking to pursue him with all your being. But yet, you believe that God has withheld this one thing that you’ve longed for since you were a little bitty girl … a husband and a family.  Why Lord, why? And why me?

I have felt this way too.  There are no easy answers. Regardless of our unmet desires, God will always be loving, wise and good. In my own journey as a single woman, I’ve discovered why it can be beautiful.

Here are five compelling reasons why singleness is beautiful:

1) FOCUS.

Purpose

You can focus fully on your purpose without distractions.  From what I hear and observe from married couples, a wife’s focus moves toward her family.  Right now, your focus is primarily on “you”.

God

You can have uninterrupted time with God.  You can start praying from as early as 4am and no one may be inconvenienced by lights, praying out loud, singing, walking around or however you choose to spend this time.

Dreams

You can have focus on life-long dreams.  At times, a spouse may have to relinquish (partially, fully or temporarily) some dreams that may negatively affect the marriage.  Far too many persons run after their dreams to the detriment of their family life.

Self-development

You have to time to work on yourself.  I absolutely love to learn! Being single, you certainly have more time for self-development and hobbies.  You can study and pursue degrees and courses to your heart’s delight.

2) FREEDOM.

Easy to relocate

You have the freedom to live in another country for work, study.  You can simply decide to leave your job or take up a foreign assignment.  No discussion, no questions asked… buy your ticket, have a farewell party, pack your bags and fly out!  Living in another country for an extended time is something that I would recommend to all singles. I lived in Jamaica for over three years and it was fantastic!  The experience changes you for the better.

Less stress

The movies don’t tell you this, but successful enjoyable marriages require a lot of hard work.  I’ve heard it said that the number one enemy of a good marriage is selfishness. As a single, life is a piece of cake in comparison.  You can have a peaceful home with no arguments if you live alone. You kick off your shoes, eat some dinner and take it easy. You don’t have to participate in the hobbies of your spouse.  You don’t have to be concerned with pleasing your spouse by how you look. You can cook your food the way you like it.

More for you

You can have the entire bed to yourself.  You can sprawl your little or voluptuous body across the entire bed if you so choose.  As a matter of fact, if you’re small like me, just buy a small bed and save yourself some money! lol

Hobbies

You can indulge in your hobbies as much as you want.  If you love to read (like me), you can spend whole days reading and not be bothered by anyone. The sky’s the limit!  You can travel the world with little complications.

3) FLEXIBILITY.

Work

You can work overtime without guilt.  Single career women often find themselves working late.  (not that I’m suggesting this practice, but I am simply stating reality).  If you work a lot from home like me, you can find yourself working very long days late into the night.  Whenever you feel like stopping, then you stop. If you’re married and you wish to be happily married, you need to have a cut off time to give attention to the needs of your family.

Decision-making

You don’t have to discuss your plans with a spouse.  If you want to socialize with your colleagues after work, you simply do that.  You can spend visit friends and family for prolonged periods. You can go anywhere you want to.  No questions asked.

4) FEWER OBLIGATIONS

Sex

You don’t have to meet anyone’s sexual needs.  As a single Christian woman who embraces sexual purity, you wouldn’t have to be available for sex since you have no husband.

Less ‘mandatory’ chores

You don’t have to cook if you’re not in the mood.  There is no spouse or children to think about. Even cleaning is optional but I wouldn’t recommend that:)  I prefer a clean orderly home.

Money

You can spend money or save or invest your money as you see fit.  You can splurge on your favorite gadgets or clothes or be a miser.  You can cook smaller portions and save money. Also, your food might last longer!  

5) FRIENDSHIPS & FAMILY

Build strong friendships

You have more time to focus on friendships.  Cultivating strong friendships take time. My closest friends are married so it was easier for me to spend the night by them.  

Babysitting

I’ve spent countless days nights babysitting friends’ children.  If I were married, I do believe that would not have been possible.  You can spend more time with nephews and nieces. From my biased judgement and observation, we single ladies make the best aunties!  Why? Because we have time, energy and probably money to indulge the children…play games, cook, bake, take them out, etc.

Elderly

A lot of single women are the ones who take care of their elderly parents.  I have three older single second female cousins and they are the ones who care for my three great aunts.

“One great temptation of singleness is an unrelenting self-focus. We need to be reminded to look outside of our circumstances and ourselves.”  by Carolyn McCulley

Related articles:

Summary

Let’s be real.  Marriage is awesome but being single also has its advantages.  Life is simply less complicated. It affords focus, freedom, flexibility with fewer obligations and the greater opportunities to invest in family and friends.  

What are your reasons for being thankful as single Christian woman?  I’d love to hear your comments! Don’t forget to subscribe!:) You will also receive a FREE Know Yourself Questionnaire as an added bonus.

Bloom where you are planted!!! Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

Like, share & subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended Books:

“Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye” by Carolyn Culley

“Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman” by Anne Ortlund

“Let Me be a Woman” by Elisabeth Elliot

“Strong Women Soft Hearts” by Paula Rhinehart

“Singled Out for Him” by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

The post 5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful appeared first on Petals Bloom.