Could it be possible that your future husband is already in your life? Are you destroying your love life by having too many restrictions? You probably know several gentlemen who might make terrific husbands for you. That’s good news because you only need one!

As I wrote in the post ‘5 Truths About Why You’re Still Single’, I shared with you how I elevated my profession above all others. I felt that any man with a different profession was not even worthy of my consideration. In plain truth, I was not open. This close-mindedness was probably the biggest reason why I stayed single for so long.

Here are 5 guys to consider as future husbands:

1) The ‘Regular Church’ Guy

When I was growing up, anything church-related was equated to boring, especially the men. I pictured myself with a ‘bad boy’… a man who was rough, exciting, dangerous, mysterious, courageous and who had the world of experience, particularly in the sexual area.

Thank God that I didn’t marry younger until good sense prevailed! I think we can safely blame the media for characterizing ‘the bad guy’ as the most appealing guy.  But I assure you, that’s only in the movies.  

Real-life bad guys may leave you pregnant and alone; suffering from heart break because of abuse and neglect; and struggling with constant feelings of insecurity because you know he’s a player. I didn’t even mention sexual transmitted diseases. Is that the life you dreamed of as a little girl?

You want a happy stable home environment, so leave the drama for the movies. I know you don’t want a boring guy either. I personally like men who can lead; who have courage; who can take some risks; who are adventurous; and who can challenge me. Let’s not confuse true masculinity with a man who makes continually poor choices. In

“Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

Why not consider the wholesome healthy guy who goes to church?  I am quite aware that there are church-going men who have all the religious talk but no depth of character. Stay away from those! Need help knowing if he’s worth your time, get my 7 Tips to Get to Know a Guy Better! 

You need someone who is intentionally growing in his relationship with God and the evidence of this is reflected in his conduct. Also, ask other persons about him. If he has a good testimony with others, then he’s a guy that you should consider as husband-material.

2) The ‘Less-Educated’ Guy

I know that some women may not even consider a man who has less formal education that herself. Attending a university does not define a person’s intelligence.  Undoubtedly, you want someone with whom you can have an intelligent conversation.

You may already know that some of the most successful persons in the world dropped out of college like Steve Jobs (Apple & Pixar), Bill Gates (Microsoft) and Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook). Therefore, you don’t need to ‘ex-out’ men who have not gone through the formal education system.

If you need to figure him out, get my 7 Tips to Get to Know a Guy Better plus access to my resource library (while it is free).

3) The ‘Not-Ideal-Career’ guy

It sounds good to say that my boyfriend or fiancé or husband is a doctor, attorney, professor, engineer, CEO and other affluent-sounding careers. However, a person’s actual occupation has very little bearing on the success of a marriage. Is your security and significance based on the occupation of the man who is beside you?

On the contrary, you need a husband who is hard-working; who loves you; who will make time for you and the children; who is growing to love God more; and putting first the building of God’s kingdom.

There are many good men out there who fit that description without the glamorous ‘titles’. Let your values be based on God’s Word and not on society.  We need to focus more on character than occupation. You’re marrying him and not his job. Fantastic future husbands can be found among every honest profession.

4) The ‘Earns-Less-Than-Me’ guy

How many houses can you live in at the same time? Why do we need a gigantic house and when we get old, we have to downsize because it’s just too much work to maintain? How much lobster can one eat?

Notwithstanding, money is very important so I would strongly recommend that you choose a man who has a legitimate income. However, you don’t need to be with a rich man in order to live comfortably.

If you already earn a decent salary, he’s not less of a man if he earns less than you. Some careers simply earn more money than others. You have to look at the depth of his character.  Hard-working disciplined men would make dependable future husbands!

These are some questions to ask:

• Is he a saver?
• Is he a spender?
• Does he know how to invest?
• Does he live above his means?

With some wise financial decisions, you both can secure a sound financial future. There are many people who earn very sizable salaries, but they are always broke because they spend more than they earn.  Hence, choose a financially wise man and not necessarily a man who just earns more than you.

5) The ‘Friend-Zone’ guy

This guy is your friend and you get along very well. However, you just can’t see yourself marrying him. The popular saying ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ can be aptly applied.   You want someone ‘new’ and ‘fresh’.

However, after the honeymoon phase of a relationship, you actually need a best friend. You need someone that you trust who has similar views and values; who is loyal to you; whom you enjoy; and who loves you unconditionally.  If this guy fits that profile, why not consider him as a potential husband? Don’t let the unrealistic views of Hollywood spoil a good thing. Otherwise, some other woman with eyes to see will come and swoop him up!

Close male friends might make good future husbands!

BONUS (Other Future Husbands)

You can also consider a man who is younger or older than you are. You need to know what you’re comfortable with, but I have not seen any age restrictions in the Bible. Depending on the age difference, you would have some challenges related to the age gap, so be sober in your decision-making. However, with communication, understanding and flexibility, it can become a great marriage.

Summary

Look around you with a “fresh” eyes and you just might be several great future husbands!

The world culture has impacted all of us. Our decisions on relationships has been influenced more by the world than the Word of God.  No wonder that so many Christian marriages are in trouble! You need to make a very sober decision about the man you will agree to marry.  

When next you review your husband list, measure it against the principles of God’s Word and the character of God. He will not lead you astray. If God hasn’t put a restriction, then be more open! Behind every successful man is a strong, wise, supportive woman. You can be that sort of woman.

What are your views? Is there any guy in your life that you’d like to reconsider? I would love to hear your opinions so please leave a comment below.

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Get my 7 Tips to Get to Know a Guy Better!!!

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Recommended Books:

The Mark of A Man: Following Christ’s Example of Masculinity by Elisabeth Elliot

Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul by John Eldridge

The New Eve: Choosing God’s Best for Your Life by Robert Lewis & Jeremy Royal Howard

Let Me Be A Woman by Elisabeth Elliot

The post 5 Guys to Consider as Future Husbands appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Sometimes, I hear that the reason that we remain single is that it is the will of God. For years, I too held this view until three years ago.

It was while reading a book called ‘The One: A Realistic Guide to Choosing Your Soul Mate’ by Dr. Samuel Adams & Ben Young, that my eyes were opened to the possibility that I had to take responsibility for my current stage.  

It was hard to admit, but I had to come to terms with the choices and attitudes that I held. These ‘balls’ may not fall into your court, but I’ll share them anyway. See if you can identify with any.

Here are the five truths why you’re still single:

1) Truth 1: Choosing the wrong guy.

You have wasted precious years with the wrong guy.

Wrong Guy Type 1

He is an unbeliever.  

The Bible warns us not to bond together with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14).  God is a very sensible God and He is not trying to make your life a living hell.  

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 ESV

In fact, it is quite the opposite. He wants to provide the best for you and protect you from harm.  I was thinking about this logically.  If you had to choose a best friend in life, someone who would walk with you through thick and thin, would you choose someone who didn’t share your core beliefs and values?

‘How could two walk together unless they agree?’ Amos 3:3

If Christ is truly the love of your life and you love him wholeheartedly, you’d want to have your deepest relationships with persons who have similar views. Otherwise, there will be little agreement as time goes on.  Therefore, it’s in your best interest to be with a true follower of Christ if you’re one.

My Story

In my teenage years, I struggled with this. This really handsome guy was interested in me. But he wasn’t a Christian. Deep down, I knew that I was disobeying God, but I tried to justify it. I thought, ‘Maybe I can be instrumental in bringing him into a relationship with Christ.’

Ladies, God does not need your help!  As a matter of fact, your disobedience can delay the process. Why should he want the God you say that you love and yet you’re willing to disobey that same God? Anyway, I came to my senses eventually.  

In essence, the longer you stay in this situation, the more time you’re wasting.

Wrong Guy Type 2

He is a Christian guy but he’s unhealthy.    

I was in a relationship for five years in my early twenties.  What was I thinking?!? I wasn’t thinking too clearly apparently.  That relationship was like an emotional roller coaster.

Although no one is perfect, you don’t want too much drama especially before you’re married.  Your courting years will give you some insight into your married years.

I had the erroneous conviction that my first boyfriend should be my husband.  I didn’t want to give my heart to ‘Tom’, ‘Dick’ and ‘Harry’ and then marry ‘Joe’.

So although there were obvious warning signs, I was not willing to give up that relationship. I was already with him for sooo long and I had plans to marry him at the end of the day.

But God stepped in through my friends.  My friends saw how unhealthy our relationship was and they began praying for us. Finally, we came to our senses and ended our misery.

My choice to remain longer than I should have, resulted in me not meeting other more suitable young men during that time. The fact is, the younger you are, the pool of available eligible bachelors is larger. The older you get, the pool shrinks because the men get taken!  Don’t waste time on an unhealthy relationship!

Wrong Guy Type 3 (wrong for you)

You’re with a guy whom you don’t admire and respect. As a woman, you need to be with a man that you genuinely admire.  Without a doubt, men NEED words of affirmation and you will not be able to give that if, at the core of your being, you don’t admire or respect him.

Therefore, you need to know yourself (get your FREE ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire here) and be aware of the few non-negotiables that you would want in your future husband.  

He may not be a bad buy, but he’s just the wrong one for you.  Please set him free so that you and he can eventually find your ‘complementary fits’. If you know that you don’t see yourself marrying him, please don’t use the poor brother to fill a void. Let Jesus fill that void.

2) Truth 2: Not meeting any eligible bachelors.

In my business degree, I learnt that people are willing to buy your product, if they know you, like you and trust you. Similarly, you need to be known, liked and trusted by eligible bachelors.  

Essentially, that requires time and interaction. If you’re only around other single women, your family, married couples and much younger men, how are you going to meet someone?!

That was part of my problem.  My life consisted of work (where there were no single bachelors close to my age), home (only family), friends (married couples and single women) and my church (very few prospects in my humble opinion).

Albeit, you may be a wonderful person, but if no wonderful man has the opportunity to know you, then your chances of meeting him are very, very slim.

Of course, God is sovereign, but we have to remember that God has placed systems under which the universe operates. You cannot deny that gravity exists. If you decide to throw yourself off a 20-storey building and think that God will rescue you, you’ll be seeing Him sooner than you think!

3) Truth 3: An overly-restrictive ideal mate list.

I didn’t think my list was ridiculous. However, one thing that made it difficult was that I wanted someone in my field of work.  If he didn’t have a similar occupation, I wasn’t interested. I finally acknowledged my incorrect belief a few years ago.

There are actually lots of good Christian men out there with whom I share common interests and beliefs, even though our field of work differs. What about you … have you exed-out a certain category of men…albeit good men?

Limiting categories:

• The same field of work
• A particular nationality
• A certain level of income
• A certain level of education

A successful marriage is based more on values and attitudes rather than things that reflect the temporary aspects of this life. On what are you basing your views and criteria?

4) Truth 4: Unfriendliness toward men.

What vibes do you give off to men?  Do you come across as haughty, aggressive, unfriendly, or disinterested?  I am very shy when I interact with 2 types of men- those that I’m attracted to and those who find that I’m attractive.

As a result, that shyness inhibited me and I came across as unfriendly. On the other hand, it was so easy to engage with men in whom I had absolutely no interest.  And guess what … they were the ones who liked me!

If you don’t know the kind of vibes that you give off, ask your friends and family to observe you and give you some feedback.

5) Truth 5: Being the ‘wrong’ woman.

Men are not always the problem.  Some of us women are very messed up (even as Christians).  We are our own enemies. Do you come across as desperate? Are you overly needy and place unrealistic burdens on the man? Are you insecure and jealous? Are you always complaining? Are you controlling?

In all honestly, you may be repelling good men. Examine yourself and seek a trusted counselor if you need to. After the end of my five-year relationship, I developed some serious rejection issues which affected my ability to open myself to be loved again.

Related articles:

5 Crazy Things People Say to Single Women
5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful

Summary

In order to move forward, you need to face reality (and the truth). It might be God’s will for you to remain single for a while. But suppose, it’s not?

Perhaps, like me, you have made choices and continue to make choices that prolong your single season for longer than it needs to be.  Marriage and family are a priority to God and we need to have a balanced biblical view concerning singleness and marriage.

For those of you who are younger, please learn from the mistakes and misunderstandings of women like me.

Regardless of our choices, we can be comforted that ‘all things work together for good to those that love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” Romans 8:28. If I didn’t stay single for so long, I wouldn’t have so much content for this blog! Haha

What are your thoughts on what I shared? I would love to hear your points of view so please comment below. Subscribe and get your FREE ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. When you subscribe, you will receive my concise emails with practical tips on living this Christian life.

Also, join the 21-day journal challenge which can be extremely therapeutic based on the feedback from persons who have completed it. Thank for stopping by!

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With lots of love,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended Books:

“The One: A Realistic Guide to Choosing Your Soul Mate” by Dr. Samuel Adams & Ben Young

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post 5 Truths About Why You’re Still Single appeared first on Petals Bloom.