Your best friend tells you that she thinks ‘Sam’ likes you. You are elated at this revelation. Every time you see him, your heart does a happy dance. You have been observing him for some time now and your admiration for him is growing. Could he be the ‘One’? Can you keep your confidence intact?

“Sam” makes a move…hooray!

‘Sam’ finally had the courage to ask you for your phone number so you willingly give it to him. Finally, the ball is beginning to roll! The former slightly-desperate you would naively destroy the relationship before it has any real chance of blossoming. But the new confident you wants to be wiser in your interactions with all men, especially ‘Sam’.

How should you proceed? How do you strike the delicate balance of showing your interest in ‘Sam’ while giving ‘Sam’ the opportunity and privilege of pursuing you?

Before you proceed …

If you have been acting desperately in the past, you can be comforted that your future interactions with men can be different and healthier. (If you’re not sure if you’re desperate at times, check out “The Top Attraction Killer – 5 Signs You Have It” ). But you need to renew your mind and behave like a confident woman of God (check out “Cure Desperation | 6 Tips to Become a Confident Attractive Woman”).

Here are some practical pointers to keep your confidence intact as you interact with ‘Sam’:

1. Don’t be so eager to respond.

Since you have a life other than being available to him 24/7, don’t always respond immediately to his messages like if your phone is an extension of your body. Sometimes you can respond and sometimes you simply can’t.

As a matter of fact, try to place the phone away from you from time to time throughout the day. Put a restriction on yourself on how often you will check your phone. We have to be radical at times. Don’t appear desperate, but rather keep your confidence intact.

2. Occupy your time and mind.

When you’re at home during your free time, watch a movie; read a good book; do a hair treatment; do your nails; take an online course; call a friend to catch up; memorize Scripture; write a mini e-book; exercise; or do anything to have your thoughts otherwise engaged. Don’t spend all your time anxiously awaiting his phone call or his messages.

3. You need sufficient notice.

If he wants to go out with you, you need sufficient notice for this to happen… no ‘today for tomorrow’. Since you have a life apart from him, you’ll need to schedule him in. You can’t drop all your plans just to be available for a man.

If he wants more of your time, he’ll need to take the relationship to another level. Don’t give too much of yourself so quickly and so easily. Let the man do some work! Keep your confidence up!

“That which we obtain too easily we esteem too lightly.” Thomas Paine

4. Be patient and joyful.

If he takes long (in your estimation) to respond to your messages, don’t take it personally. He’s probably busy saving the world:) Choose to think well of him so that when you speak with him, you sound sincerely joyful and not annoyed.

You cannot fake it. If you’re upset, your voice and words will betray you. Being too intense will certainly prematurely kill any interest that he has in you.

“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.” Proverbs 16:32

5. Avoid the marriage talk.

Don’t bring up marriage and what you will name your children in initial conversations with him. You’re now getting to know him. He might turn out to be a psycho. You don’t know him well enough to conclude if you want to marry him. Let him be the one to bring up marriage with you. Don’t appear too eager or desperate. Keep your confidence intact!

6. Keep your heart open to others.

If he hasn’t declared his intentions directly to you, do not believe that he’s the one for you. He may or may not be so I wouldn’t recommend setting your heart on him just yet. Keep your mind and heart open to other good eligible men.

I have seen too many women focused on a man, who has given them no commitment and in time, he marries someone else. If a man is really interested in you, he will make his intentions known. You’re not a mind-reader.

Also, don’t allow yourself to be ‘his time-filler’ until he meets the woman of his dreams. You’re too special to allow yourself to be used like that.

7. Resist dreaming about your wedding day with him.

When you find yourself thinking about your future with him as your husband and walking down the aisle toward him, you need to do a brain switch immediately.

Think about something that is unrelated, but something that interests or excites you – your future vacation, your work project, your cutie pie nephew…anything to get your mind from going to dreamland about your future with him. An excellent resource is “Switch On Your Brain: The Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health” by Dr. Caroline Leaf.

8. Smile often and enjoy yourself.

Did you know that someone can tell if you are smiling on the other end of the phone? It makes a difference in the way you sound. The next time that you speak with your love interest (or anyone for that matter), try smiling when you’re on the phone. It’ll make a difference.

9. Don’t smother him.

Give him some breathing space. You don’t have to be in his presence 24/7. You don’t need to make him feel guilty because he wants to spend time with his friends. As a matter of fact, you want to encourage him to have strong relationships with other godly men because ‘iron sharpens iron’ (Proverbs 27:17).

Whether you’re in the early stages of a relationship or engaged to be married, you both need to have other interests and other relationships that add value to your life.

10. Make time for your other relationships.

Don’t neglect your other key relationships with God, your friends and your family to focus completely on him. God has placed you in community so that you can blossom into a purposeful healthy grounded woman. No one man can provide all that you need to prosper in every area of your life.

A woman could possess external beauty, but yet behave like a desperate woman when she interacts with men. As you begin to value who you are, your desirability will increase. Keep your confidence level up!

A truly confident woman of God knows her worth and she acts accordingly. Her value is not based on her outward appearance or her sexual appeal, but her depth of character and strength which comes from her dependence on God.

Do you keep your confidence intact when a man begins to pursue you? If you’re around confident women of God, what have you observed about their interactions with men? I would love to hear your opinion or observations.

I absolutely love receiving emails from my subscribers whether it be a response to an email that touched them, a call for prayer or simply saying ‘hi’. If you’d like to be a subscriber, click here. When you can subscribe, you will receive my weekly email tips to help you to grow in your relationships with God and others. You’ll also receive your free ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. Thanks for stopping by!:)

Comment, Share and Subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly

Recommended Books:

“Switch On Your Brain: The Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health” by Dr. Caroline Leaf

“Fascinating Girl” by Helen Andelin

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post Is He Showing Interest? 10 Pointers to Keep Your Confidence Intact appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Do you behave like a confident attractive woman or one who is desperate?

“Jack”

You meet an awesome guy ‘Jack’ and he’s so incredible! The last time you two chatted, you spoke for hours but it merely felt like minutes. As a result, your phone is with you 24/7 because you simply cannot risk missing a phone call or even a message from him.

Throughout the day, you’re wondering if ‘Jack’ is going to call you. As such, you can barely function because your thoughts are occupied with daydreams of him. Should you take the initiative to call him? But you’ve already sent him at least four messages for the day.

When he finally gets around to calling you, he senses that you’re upset and he has no clue why. In addition, some days have passed and his calls have become sparse. Has ‘Jack’ lost interest already…just like ‘David’, ‘Sam’ and ‘Errol’? Perhaps, your desperation has scared another guy away. It’s about time you become a confident attractive woman again.

Now, you are determined to put an end to sabotaging your own love life. But you’re a little clueless about what to do. Can your desperation ever be cured? Can you regain your confidence?

Time for change

Indeed, you’re in a good place. The first step to being cured is admitting the truth about your state of desperation. Actually, you don’t need to be ashamed of it because it’s quite common among singles (men and women alike). The battlefield of life has left you dry, wounded and desperate, but you need to be reminded that you are a treasure and worthy to be adored and loved.

The good news is that you can overcome it once and for all. I did and you can too! If you’re not sure if you’re suffering from desperation, check out ‘The Top Attraction Killer – 5 Signs You Have It’.

Undoubtedly, the cure to desperation is gaining confidence. Whether you marry in the future or not, it is important that you become a confident woman of God, which in itself, is extremely attractive. Confidence will enhance every relationship in your life and even your career.

Here are some helpful steps to become a more confident attractive woman.

1) Get a life.

At this point of time of your life, you need to focus on building a life that you absolutely love. More importantly, you need to be at a point where you enjoy your own company. If you don’t enjoy being you, why should someone else join your ‘party’?

You cannot wait for a man to begin having a time of your life. The poor man will feel overburdened with that weighty responsibility. A healthy godly man does not want to be a woman’s idol. Understandably, he will feel secure knowing that he’s not your only source of joy and fulfilment.

When a man communicates with you, he should sense that you’re enjoying your life immensely, with or without him. Moreover, he should be hearing the laughter in your voice as you speak about your day; hear the excitement of your life adventures; be inspired by the wisdom from your reading; be challenged and encouraged by your service to others around you; and be happy to hear about your experiences from hanging out with your friends. In essence, he should be intrigued by your life and want to be apart of that celebration.

When your life is vibrant and full, you’ll be so busy enjoying life that you would not spend all your time anxiously waiting for his phone call or his responses to your messages. As a matter of fact, he’ll have to call in advance to schedule to spend time with you.

Questions to consider:

• What do you enjoy doing the most (besides sleep!)?
• Who or what makes you laugh uncontrollably?
• How can you serve others more?
• What kind of service brings life to you?
• When you lay down to sleep and you reflect, what brings a smile to your face?
• Which relationships add joy to your life?
• With whom do you need to spend more time?
• If you were to never get married, how would you spend your time?

2) Value yourself.

If you don’t value yourself, don’t expect anyone else to value you. God has created all of us in His image and His likeness (Genesis 1:26) so you have an excellent foundation of significant value. With over 7.6 billion persons in the world, you are totally original and unique. Indeed, there has never been anyone like you in the past, anyone like you now or anyone like you to be born in the future. That being the case, you cannot be perfectly replaced.

“I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:14

If you find yourself doubting your worth, here are some suggested action steps:

1. Set aside some extended time alone and ask the Holy Spirit to show you your positive blind spots.
2. Take a good look at yourself. What are your assets? What compliments do you receive about your personality or your skills or your physical attributes?
3. Ask loving family and friends to share with you what they enjoy about you; what makes you unique; and what benefits you bring into a relationship. If no one has anything good to say about you, then you either need new friends and/or you need some character changes.
4. Record all that you’ve learnt or rediscovered about yourself in the above points and thank God for them.
5. Plan to further maximize your strengths. For instance, if you learn that your smile is infectious, then make it a point to smile more even if you feel self-conscious about it.

If you are to be married, God will provide a man who will like and love the woman that you are. As such, you don’t need to pretend to be someone else. Simply allow your strengths to shine brighter and become a confident attractive woman!

3) Don’t waste your emotions on the wrong guy.

If you’re interested in a guy and you sense that he’s not that interested in you, leave him alone. Don’t waste your time. Of course, you can be friends with him, but don’t treat him more than a friend.

Too many single women waste their time and emotions on men who are not interested ENOUGH to pursue them. When the affection is not reciprocated, it affects their self-worth. Don’t even allow it to reach that far. I remember ‘Tom’. Nearly all my close female friends at the time told me that ‘Tom’ liked me. Eventually, I myself began to be convinced.

The problem with this situation is that ‘Tom’ never said anything directly to me. Important to note, he never clearly declared any interest in me. However, God brought a wonderful man who liked me ENOUGH to pursue me without the frustrating guessing game. It was beautiful! As a woman, you deserve to be pursued so don’t sell yourself short.

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” – Mark Twain

“Loving someone who doesn’t love you is like waiting for a ship at the airport.” ~ Unknown

4) Do a makeover.

We need to be practical as Christian women. When a woman feels good about her body and the way she looks, it affects how she walks, talks and her overall demeanor. Besides, our entire being is interconnected and it’ll be wise of us to pay attention to our physical beauty.

All of us have attributes that make us look beautiful. You may not be attractive to all men, but one man may be enthralled by your unique beauty. Therefore, the key is to discover and focus on what makes you feel beautiful. When you feel gorgeous in your own body, it will come across in your interactions with everyone, including men. Subsequently, you’ll become a confident attractive woman.

By the way, you don’t need to look like Miss Universe. Interestingly, beauty has more to do with how you feel about yourself. I have seen women who look quite the opposite to a ‘Miss Universe’ look and they are attractive. They take care of themselves and they exude a strong sense of confidence which is captivating.

Questions to ask yourself:

• What will make you feel more attractive?
• Do you like the way you look?
• Would a new hairstyle enhance your appearance?
• Is your wardrobe crying out for a makeover?
• Do you need to become fit?
• Which colors make you come alive?

In your makeover, please don’t start dressing scantily or sexily, because it screams ‘I’m desperate for male attention!’. Additionally, you risk attracting the wrong men. For more on this, read ‘6 Guys to Resist’.

Related article:

5 Rare Qualities Mature Christian Men Want

5) View single men as possible friends.

In the past, when a handsome guy came into my presence, it was my automatic response to immediately check his hand to see if there was a wedding band. Of course, I tried to look without being obvious!

I viewed every attractive eligible guy as a prospective partner for me. With a mindset like that, it was very difficult to focus on being just friends. Instead of being a confident attractive woman, I appeared desperate. I was preoccupied with questions like, ‘does he like me?’, ‘am I showing too much interest?’, ‘what did he mean when he said …?’, ‘how should I interpret when he did …?’ and on and on it went.

In short, I missed the whole point of knowing and loving my Christian brothers as fellow followers of Christ. As a result, it was very difficult to be myself around those guys. My ‘intense over-protective’ self overshadowed my ‘real enjoyable’ self. Needless to say, love did not blossom with any of those guys.

When next you meet a single guy that you might like, try to be interested in him as a friend. Think about him as a possible friend for life, and not as a potential mate. Whether or not he becomes your husband, you would have gained one more friend. Just as we don’t want men to be view us as sex objects, men also want to be valued for who they are and not merely marriage objects.

Questions to consider:

• How can I be a blessing to him?
• In what way can I best serve him as a sister?
• How can I encourage him?
• How can I pray for him?

6) Kill the marriage idol.

What is the absolute worst thing that can happen if you never get married? Ask yourself – “Would you lose your salvation? Would you be eternally unhappy? Would your parents disown you if you didn’t birth a grandchild?” To put it briefly, marriage is a temporary status that will soon be over. It will end when either partner dies. Is it worth it to be unhappy and discontent for something that is relatively short-lived in comparison to eternity?

Some years ago, I came to this point of surrender. If I never got married, I would be fine with being single for the rest of my life. Admittedly, it was not easy coming to that point. But afterwards, I started enjoying my single season once again without placing emphasis on getting married. I felt free! As a result, I became a confident attractive woman again. Even my relationships with men became healthier as my interaction with them changed. My focus was gaining a friend in a brother.

As a Christian, we need to continually hold everything in our lives with an open hand of surrender to God … even a good desire like marriage. I firmly believe that we should not allow anything or anyone (apart from God Himself) to have control over us. When you begin to realize that something or someone has an unhealthy hold on you, you need to take a step back and take an intentional break or implement limits.

Summary

In conclusion, you can cure desperation and become a confident attractive woman by following the above tips: getting a life; valuing yourself; not wasting your time on the wrong guy; doing a makeover; viewing single men as friends; and killing the marriage idol. This is not an exhaustive list, but those are the steps that I took to cure myself of desperation. Now, I’m married to a wonderful man who didn’t experience any desperate behaviour from me. Yippee!

I would love to hear your views on this matter. What makes a woman radiate with confidence? What has helped you on your journey to valuing yourself? Comment below and share your views. Subscribe and you’ll receive my weekly email tips on developing your relationships with God, yourself and with others. As a bonus, you’ll also receive your free ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. You want to ask a question? Subscribe and email me that question at any time. I personally answer all emails. I hope you found this helpful. Thanks for stopping by!:)

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With love,

Kimberly

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post Cure Desperation | 6 Tips to Become a Confident Attractive Woman appeared first on Petals Bloom.