Olivia’s new job was an answer to prayer. She felt that it was just the right environment for her to thrive as a female leader. As the months passed, she began working closely with her co-worker, Henry, on work-related projects. It was easy working with Henry and he had a dry sense of humour which she thoroughly enjoyed.

One evening, as they stayed late to complete a report, their eyes locked and it was as though there was something magical as they peered into each other’s souls. Her heart began racing. This was just the first of many “soul connections” that they would experience together.

From time to time, they would venture into conversations about their personal lives. Their conversations began to lengthen as they felt comfortable sharing their passions, dreams, disappointments, and the like. To Olivia, communicating with Henry was simply effortless. There are so many traits that she admires in him. Increasingly, she began to look forward to spending private times with Henry. However, Henry is a married man, but she feels like she’s falling in love with him.

What should Olivia do about her feelings toward Henry?

Like, Olivia, you might be falling in love with a married man. You have no intentions in breaking up a marriage, but you have a crush on him. Maybe he’s your friend’s husband, your married pastor, your boss, a co-worker, etc.

It doesn’t matter who it is, but you need to arrest the situation before you make some poor choices that you WILL regret … sooner or later.

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.” Proverbs 16:25 ESV

Some would say that you cannot help who you fall in love with.  While you will meet married men who you will find attractive, you can prevent an attraction from growing into a crush and even morphing into a full blown relationship.

Here are 6 practical tips to manage yourself when you’re falling in love with a married man:-

1) Face the truth.

If you have a crush on a married man, it is wholly unhelpful to live in denial. When you come to admit the truth, then you can begin to address the situation. You’re not the first Christian to be in this situation and you certainly will not be the last.

2) Settle in yourself that you will not commit adultery.

First of all, you have to decide that you will not commit adultery. Your emotions are already in chaos, but you are more than your emotions and you should not allow your feelings to control you. It is instructive to look at Daniel’s decision in Daniel 1:8.

“But Daniel resolved that he would not defile himself with the king’s food, or with the wine that he drank. Therefore he asked the chief of the eunuchs to allow him not to defile himself.” Daniel 1:8

Daniel’s victory in that situation started with a decision. Likewise, as a woman of God, you also need to come to the place of resolving in your heart that your love and commitment to Jesus will take first place over your desire to be with a married man. The internal battle that you face is not easy, but you can overcome.

3) Minimize your interactions with him.

Let me first say this. Nothing is totally out of your control. You are not a victim of your circumstances and God will always make a way of escape for you. You can do something about the situation if you have made up your mind to be obedient to Christ, regardless of the cost. 

If you’re falling in love someone, it almost seems like you move like a robot in his direction. Therefore, in order to guard your heart, it makes practical sense to be in his presence as little as possible. If you are clueless, ask the Holy Spirit and ask a fellow Christian who will give you sound advice.

Some suggestions:

• Do not work late with him.
• Limit your conversations with him to only work-related matters.
• Try your best not to be alone with him.
• Change your department OR be radical and change jobs if you cannot manage.

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV)

Please do not play with “fire”.

4) Recognise that you can control your thoughts and your feelings.

You can control how you feel about someone.  Whenever you find yourself daydreaming about him, you must shift your thoughts elsewhere. We can re-train ourselves by changing what we dwell on.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ ²⁸ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:27-28

5) Renew your mind with the Word of God.

Your first battle is in your mind. As such, renewing your mind with the Word of God is the more potent course of action to take. Then, your emotions will follow. God’s written Word has the power to keep you from falling.  Select a few Bible verses that speaks to your heart about holiness; strength in God; temptations, His power, etc.  The Holy Spirit will use the Word to help you when you are weak.

“I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” Psalm 119:11 (ESV)

6) Confide in a friend who can hold you accountable and pray for you.

A wise mature Christian friend will listen to your struggles, and knock some sense into you!:) On the other hand, a foolish friend will tell you to listen to your heart and give into your fleshy desires. That kind of friend you need to keep at arm’s length.

Summary

Being obedient to God doesn’t have to be as difficult as we make it to be. When you choose to fight against God and demand to have our own way, that’s when it becomes difficult to follow Jesus.  On the other hand, when we choose an attitude to surrender, our wills begin to follow and it becomes less painful to obey the Lord.

I remember having a crush on a married man when I was much younger.  I wasn’t as mature spiritually as I am now.  Thank God for growth!

Have you ever been in a situation where you have had a crush on a married man?  What did you do?  How did you handle it?  Comment below and let us know!

To recap,

Here are 6 practical tips to manage yourself when you’re falling in love with a married man:-

• Face the truth.
• Settle in yourself that you will not commit adultery.
• Minimize your interactions with him.
• Recognise that you can control your thoughts and your feelings.
• Renew your mind with the Word of God.
• Confide in a friend who can hold you accountable and pray for you.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

How to Not Commit Adultery with Your Male Friend 

When You Face Another Failed Relationship

4 Easy Questions to Know If You Should Marry Him

Recommended Books:

Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It by Jerry B Jenkins

Quest for Love: True Stories of Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It’s Impossible to Be Spiritually Mature, While Remaining Emotionally Immature by Peter Scazzero

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