“Liz” is excited about her upcoming wedding with “Kenroy”. She has already sent out all her wedding invitations; the venue is booked; the cake has been ordered; and her dress has already been bought and fitted to perfection. She’s simply just counting down the days to wedded bliss.
However, she has this nagging feeling that she’s about to make a very bad decision. She’s had it for months now and with each passing day, the conviction grows stronger when she’s alone and not distracted by the wedding excitement.
Is it simply a case of nervousness? Or is God trying to warn her?
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Personally, I know of a beautiful missionary who had to call off her wedding because she believed that God was directing her to not marry the guy. She later married another missionary and had an awesome marriage, but I’m sure it took a big step of faith to call off the first wedding.
Another woman went ahead and married the man with whom she felt uncertain and it ended in divorce. She suffered great hurt, disappointment and regret. She wrongfully thought that her reservation was just wedding jitters.
My questions for you …
Are you allowing God to direct your decision concerning the man you will marry? How would you know that God is directing you to move forward into marriage with a particular guy or to reconsider the relationship altogether?
You might be finally in a relationship after waiting for oh-so-long and then you realise that he may not be the one for you.
Here are 4 signs that God might be saying “no” to the man you love:
1) God has spoken clearly and directly to you.
Whether you believe it or not, God still speaks to us. Here are a few ways that God may speak to you about him:
- You might really hear the audible voice of God. When we read through the Old and New Testament, we see that God was constantly speaking.
- He might speak softly in your inner being.
- God might speak to you through your dreams or even the dreams of someone else. If he uses another person to speak to you, it should be so specific that you know it’s for you and it should NOT contradict the Word of God.
- There are people in the Body of Christ who have a sincere prophetic gift that is not airy fairy, but their message will be very specific to you. Be careful about the showmanship type of “prophet”.
- The Word of God can “jump” out at you so that you know it is God who is speaking to you about your situation.
Regardless of the means by which God chooses to speak to you, the Bible talks about “testing the spirit’ so that you can know that it is from God. Furthermore, speak to someone who is grounded in the Word and in touch with the Holy Spirit so that they can help you to decipher if the word is from God or not.
“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.” 1 John 4:1
2) God’s Word is clear about the issue.
God has already given us His Word to guide us. Therefore, for certain matters, we simply need to decide to be obedient to God and not try to figure out if God has changed His mind for your particular situation.
Here are a few clear commands from God in His written Word:
- God is clear that a Christian believer should not marry an unbeliever.
- God is clear that you should not be with a married man even if he is separated from his wife.
- God is clear that you should not marry another woman.
4) You do not have God’s peace about him.
If you do not sense God’s peace about him, then perhaps God is saying “no” to him. If you feel conflicted in your soul about the relationship, you may need to strongly reconsider your selection of a spouse. When you feel God’s peace about an important decision, you just know!
3) Your parents/guardians and spiritually-mature friends do not like him for you.
When you get married, your life changes and so do the lives of every member of your entire immediate family. Your parents gain a son and your siblings now have a new full-grown brother.
Your decision to marry a particular man changes the lives of everyone closely related to you. As such, it is still important to seek the blessing of your parents in your decision to marry or not to marry a particular man. If they do not like him for you, pray about it some more and ask God to show you if there are any hidden problems that you might not be seeing.
If you’re not seeing any problems, then bring the situation to friends (or family members) who know the Word and who are sensitive to God’s Holy Spirit. Now, if your friends believe that he’s the best thing since “sliced bread”, then I would still suggest taking the progression of the relationship slowly (and prayerfully) so that your parents can have the time to really grow and accept this awesome man of God.
On the other hand, if your spiritually-grounded friends or relatives do not like him at all for you, then it might be that God is saying “no” to him. Or, you have chosen the wrong friends! For a marriage to be strong and healthy, it’s much better to have the people closest to you to be routing for both of you and not against any one of you.
In our Western culture, the pervasive mindset is that we do what we want and it’s all about us and we ignore the family dynamic. Personally, I think it is a big mistake. You belong to a family and as such, the actions of one family member affect the lives of the other members. In Scripture, we see that family and community matter for marriages to thrive.
Remember, your parents and future in-laws might make the best babysitters ever! (Of course, there are some exceptions to this.)
“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Proverbs 11:14
Summary
Many bad marriages could have been avoided if the persons in the relationships would have taken heed to the signs of trouble or warnings or the nudging of the Holy Spirit. I’ve often heard it said (after the marriage has failed) that “my father didn’t like him” or “my mother didn’t approve of him.”
At other times, I’ve heard comments like, “My mother/father didn’t like anyone for me until she/he met ‘XXXXX’.” God might be using your parents’ influence or you might need to give them more time to get to know your beau better. Personally, I don’t think it’s wise to rush into a marriage if your loving parents are not approving of him. Now, if your parents are mentally-ill, then that’s a whole different discussion.
Also, you may not necessarily have a bad marriage if you were to marry Mr.X, but he just may not be a good fit for you, your family, your calling, or even his calling.
If you do decide to ignore all the warning signs and marry the man, please know that God still remains a covenant-keeping God and He will honour your marriage even if it was not the wisest decision you ever made. In a situation like that, God is very able to make your future marriage thrive because he is that gracious and merciful!
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Hebrews 13:4
Will you allow God to guide you in your decision-making about a husband? Are you afraid that God will say “no” to the man you love? Write your thoughts in the comments!
To recap,
Here are 4 signs that God might be saying “no” to the man you love:
- God has spoken clearly and directly to you.
- God’s Word is clear about the issue.
- You do not have God’s peace about him.
- Your parents/guardians and spiritually-mature friends do not like him for you.
Thanks for stopping by!
#madeforlove
With love & laughter,
Kimberly Garth
Other Helpful Resources:
Avoid 4 Traits If You Want A Great Marriage | Pre-marital Advice
How to be Charming on Social Media | Single Christian Woman
How to Win the Heart of a Godly Man | 5 Secrets
Disclosure
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Recommended Books:
The New Eve: Choosing God’s Best for Your Life by Robert Lewis
Choosing God’s Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance by Dr. Don Raunikar
