6 Temptations When You Feel Lonely as a Single Woman

The feeling of loneliness is very common among singles, even Christian singles. You are often tempted to look at the lives of your married friends, wishing that you had a family to call your own. You think, “If only I were to get married, then I would never feel lonely again.”

However, this is not necessarily true. There’s a marked difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Even in a marriage that looks relatively happy, a spouse can still feel lonely. No man, even if he is 99% perfect, will cure your loneliness. Therefore, it is better to face those fears now and overcome your feelings of loneliness while you’re still single.

I have 2 main suggestions for you: –

1. Build your intimacy with God. God is the only One who knows you completely. Having a deep connection with Jesus is the best way to feel known and loved unconditionally. I love the fact that I can be fully vulnerable with God and He’s with me 24/7/365 for eternity!

2. Know and value your own self. This is a lifelong process because you will always be changing. You need to come to the point where:

• You accept your flaws and still believe that you’re awesome.
• You make mistakes, but you’re learning from them.
• Not everyone will like you, but you like you.
• You’re pleased with the woman that you are becoming.

3. Connecting deeply with a few friends/relatives. As someone who has been in ministry for over 20 years, it goes without saying that the people who are the most vulnerable and transparent with others are the ones with the deepest connections. Why? The reason is that when you share your “dirt” with others (responsibly), people feel more connected with you and will (likely) reciprocate. Shallowness does not give birth to true intimacy.

Also, look for opportunities to be available to others. Provide a listening ear; prayer; a much-needed hug; a word of encouragement; etc. Give of yourself freely to others and God will ensure that you have people who have your back. (It might not be the same people.)

With that being said, you’re not likely to change overnight (since it’s a process of growth). In the meantime, it is wise to be aware of 6 temptations that you may face when you feel lonely.

Here are 6 temptations to resist when you feel lonely as a single woman:

1) Temptation to reach out to the guy who you know is not good for you.

In my article “6 Guys to Resist”, I mentioned these six types of men that you need to stay away from:

• Type 1: Overly-Jealous Owen
• Type 2: Abusive Adam (all types of abuse)
• Type 3: Pretending Patrick
• Type 4: Manipulative Marlon
• Type 5: Sad-Story Sam
• Type 6: Married Mark AND
• Type 7: Unbelieving Ulrick (new addition to the list!)

During this time, you might be feeling a bit lonely, anxious, sad, and depressed, but he’s not the person to whom you should turn. These types of men will only give you heartache and a massive headache in the long run. Instead, turn to Jesus when these emotions seem too strong for you to handle on your own.

Secondly, call a trusted female friend or a relative and let the person know the temptation that you’re facing and ask for prayer, support and accountability.

2) Temptation to view pornography.

To numb the pain of loneliness, you might be tempted to view pornography to escape into a fantasy world. Not only would you feel wretched after viewing porn, it has the power to enslave you and take away every ounce of joy in your life.

You can defeat this temptation by confiding in another believer who has a conviction that porn is dangerous. You don’t want to go to someone who says, “It’s okay to struggle because we all struggle.” That is not helpful at all! You need to confess this to someone who will pray for you and walk with you through the process of healing and deliverance.

Also, you need to become self-aware of your triggers so that you can deal with the root causes that might be driving you to consume porn. Additionally, as long as porn addiction is kept a secret, it will most likely continue to imprison you. Tell someone else to break free from its grip!

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16 ESV

You can check out my articles on this topic:

​Porn and the Single Christian Woman | 10 Ways It Can Destroy Your Life​

​How to Beat Porn Addiction and Other Sexually Addictive Behaviors | 10 Practical Tips​

3) Temptation to give into depression.

Feeling alone can cause a person to feel depressed especially if you’ve lost someone dear to you, whether in the last few months or ten years ago. Or you’ve lost your income. Or you’re anxious about the future. However, you need to remember that your thoughts are very powerful. Check out “Switch On Your Brain: The Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health” by Dr. Caroline Leaf for you to understand more fully the wisdom of God’s Word (see below).
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“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8 ESV​
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When I feel wretched, journaling helps me a tonne! At the beginning of every journal entry, I record 1-3 things for which I am grateful. You can try that too. My suggestion to you is to carefully consider all your blessings and give thanks to God. You need to deliberately train yourself to think about your blessings, because believe me, it’s much easier to dwell on what you don’t have.

4) Temptation to waste time.

When you’re feeling lonely, you might be tempted to spend your entire day on your phone, computer, tablet or TV doing nothing constructive. Instead, have a plan for each day and write it down.

• What projects would you like to accomplish?
• Which hobbies would you like to indulge in – like dancing, gardening, swimming, etc.?
• What course should you take?
• Should you write a book?
• Should you start a blog or vlog?

Other ideas:-

• Re-discover a skill that has been dormant for years.
• Have a plan to reach out to others.
• Spend more time with God.

Please don’t waste your time feeling sorry for yourself. If you’re unable to overcome your feelings of loneliness, pray and ask God to show you to whom you should reach out and contact that person. Christianity is about family and we should never do life alone.

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, [16] making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” Ephesians 5:15-17 ESV

5) Temptation to overeat.

Loneliness can cause you to eat more than you normally would because eating brings happiness and comfort to many. Before you know it, you’ve gained 10 undesired pounds if you’re not careful.

As a child of God, you can be disciplined! You must have a plan, because without an intentional plan, you’ll overeat. Firstly, it starts with clearing your house of all the foods that you know are not good for your temple (your body). Then, when you go to the supermarket, please don’t even place “junk” in your trolley.

6) Temptation to binge on romantic movies (or novels).

This is generally a huge pull for single women. Since you don’t have a romance going on in your own life, why not watch movies that make you feel good about being in love? That sounds logical! (I watched so many chick flicks in the past!)

However, binging on too many chick flicks can further deepen your feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. Furthermore, they may give you an unrealistic view of romantic relationships and marriage. To make matters worse, if the movies are sexually explicit, they do very little in helping you to be sexually pure, which starts with your thought life.

Summary

Being single can be a great opportunity for development or it can be a threat to your well-being. For the most part, how you come out of this season of singleness will depend on the choices you make every single day. Also, overcoming feelings of loneliness will free your future husband from the burdensome responsibility to make you feel valuable as a woman (all on his own) and “always” being present for you. He will need his alone time and time with his other relatives and friends apart from you.

No man can love you like Jesus. No man can be with you 24/7/365 for eternity. Please don’t put a weight on him that only God can bear. Only God can give you value as a woman and only you can internalize it and take advantage of the relationships that God will bring your way for connectedness and community. You have an important role to play in your own growth!

When you feel lonely, which situations are the most tempting for you? What do you do to resist the temptations that come your way? What do you think you can do to overcome your feelings of loneliness? Are you looking to a man to give you worth?

To recap,

Here are 6 temptations to resist when you feel lonely as a single woman:

1) Temptation to reach out to the guy who you know is not good for you.

2) Temptation to view pornography.

3) Temptation to give into depression.

4) Temptation to waste time.

5) Temptation to overeat.

6) Temptation to binge on romantic movies (or novels).

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

6 Guys to Resist

​Porn and the Single Christian Woman | 10 Ways It Can Destroy Your Life​

​How to Beat Porn Addiction and Other Sexually Addictive Behaviors | 10 Practical Tips

Recommended Books:

Switch On Your Brain: The Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health by Dr. Caroline Leaf

Lies Young Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth & Dannah Gresh 

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):