Heartbreak is common in this fallen world. But, there is hope. You can actually experience healing from it and have a great loving relationship in the future. From my own experience, I will share with you what has helped me to heal well.
If you’ve experienced heartbreak from an official relationship or a situationship, here are some tips to heal well from a breakup:
1) Give each other space.
Give you and the guy some breathing space so you can soberly think about what has happened; where it went wrong; what you can learn from it; determine CLEARLY if he’s the best man for you (if you still want him back); evaluate if you should devote more time and attention to him; decide on the kind of man who will be your complimentary fit; seek wise counsel; regain your sense of self and above all, PRAY!
If you do not give one another sufficient space, you might find yourself in and out of the relationship over and over again. If it was not a healthy relationship, reuniting with him “every Monday morning” is not a good idea.
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2) Forgive him.
To properly heal from the relationship, you absolutely NEED to forgive the guy. Regardless of what he has done to you, you must forgive him as an act of trust and obedience to God and as an act of love toward yourself. By holding on to unforgiveness, you will be placing yourself in a torturous prison of bitterness, hate and distrust. Forgiveness brings freedom! By the way, forgiving him does not mean that you should reunite with him.
3) Forgive yourself.
When my 5-year relationship ended, I felt like a fool. How could I have allowed myself to stay in that relationship for so long? How could I allow myself to be treated in such a manner? I should have known better. I should have seen the warning signs. I should have listened to my friends. It is natural to blame yourself for your poor relationship decisions, but in order to move on, you must forgive yourself.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
4) See a counsellor.
You can’t go wrong with seeing a Christian counsellor. My friends suggested that I saw a counsellor and I did. However, at the appointment, I was so proud that I told the counsellor, “I don’t know why I am here!” SMH Thankfully, I have grown. If I had been more humble and vulnerable, I probably would have dealt with my rejection issues much sooner.
5) Be among family and friends.
Your heart needs the unconditional love and acceptance of loving family and friends to help with the healing process. Please do not choose isolation!
6) Exercise and make time for hobbies.
Exercise is good for you – physically, emotionally and mentally. If you don’t have a routine, it’s an excellent time to start to exercise to lighten your mood and to help you cope with the pain. If you’re now starting, do what is easy and enjoyable. For me, I love walking on weekday mornings for 30 minutes and take in some fresh air.
7) Pray.
God is the only person who can help you to heal fully from heartbreak. Go to Him often and bare your heart and soul to Him. Also, ask others to pray for you.
8) Write a letter (and trash it after).
I wrote a letter to “Mr. X” several years after the breakup. By then, I thought I was completely over the breakup, but I wasn’t. I shared with him all my hurt via the letter. I held nothing back. I remember crying as I wrote the letter and subsequently, I tore it up and threw it away. I figure that healing and deliverance come in spurts and seasons. Let God be your guide. He knows what you need when you need it. Simply, surrender to Him and be open.
9) Give it time.
Healing takes time. Allow yourself to grieve and process as the Lord reveals to you the “raw” areas. You may feel completely fine for years. Then, you read a book and it offers another step to your overall healing process. God used a book to lead me to write the letter to “Mr. X” and it was completely therapeutic!
Summary
Going through a breakup can be rough, but you can heal well! The experience can mature you and draw you closer to God. It can also soften your heart toward others and be an opportunity for ministry in the future. You would know that you have been healed when you can think about your former boyfriend without malice in your heart toward him or even toward yourself. True forgiveness is only possible when we have learnt to forgive like Jesus has forgiven us. That can only occur by the power of the Holy Spirit working in us.
Have you ever been through a breakup or experienced disappointment in unreciprocated love? What helped your healing process?
To recap,
- Give each other space.
- Forgive him.
- Forgive yourself.
- See a counsellor.
- Be among family and friends.
- Exercise and make time for hobbies.
- Pray.
- Write a letter (and trash it after).
- Give it time.
Thanks for stopping by!
#madeforlove
With love & laughter,
Kimberly Garth
Other Helpful Resources:
“Situationship” or Relationship … 5 Reasons It Should be Clear
When He Loves Someone Else – 7 Clever Tips to Move On
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Recommended Books:
Beating the Break-Up Habit by Dick Purnel
Givers, Takers And Other Kinds of Lovers by Josh McDowell
