How to be Good Friends with Christian Men

God will allow you to meet various men throughout your life.  Some of them will stay for the long haul, some will drop in and drop out from time to time and others will last for a very short time.  Believe it or not, there is a purpose to every encounter.  For a single Christian woman, you should view your interactions with men through an eternal perspective.  

For the unbeliever, you want to draw him to Christ by your life and your words.  Be careful that you do not end up dating or marrying him!  Read “Should You Consider Marrying an Unbeliever?”  

For the Christian man, he is your brother.  

Therefore, it is a worthwhile investment to cultivate good healthy relationships with Christian men.  

There are four types of male Christian friends that may be in your life:

A) Type 1: The guy who likes you but you have no interest in him.

B) Type 2: You and a guy are insanely attracted to one another. 

C) Type 3: You like your male friend a lot but he’s not interested in you.

D) Type 4: You have no interest in each other … whatsoever!

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Here are six tips on how to be good friends with Christian men:

1) See him and relate with him as a brother.

It is easy for a woman who is ready to get married to begin to see all eligible bachelors as potential husbands.  As a result, she may come across as too intense (since she cannot lose the opportunity to win his affections); apathetic (she doesn’t want to appear eager); belittling (she doesn’t want him to see that she might be interested in him); or shy (she doesn’t know how to relate with an attractive man).

All of the above reactions will probably scare away most men. To solve this problem, you need to begin to see all Christian men as your brothers in Christ, first and foremost.  He will forever be your brother whether you marry him; another woman marries him; you marry someone else or your both remain single.  For this, you need to have a kingdom perspective about relationships and know that God, the author of relationships, have created both male and female, for His purposes that goes beyond this short time on earth.

2) Seek his best interest.

If you have to sincerely love a man as a friend, you need to look out for his best interest.  Every decision that you make concerning your friendship with him should reflect your love for God and your love for him.

Questions to ask yourself:

• Would this action help him to grow in his relationship with God?
• Am I laying a healthy foundation for his relationship with his future wife?
• Am I enticing him to lust after me by the way I dress? 
• What can I do to help him to follow Christ wholeheartedly?

3) Admire and Respect him.

In the book, “Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs ” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, it is said that a woman’s greatest need is love and a man’s greatest need is respect. For a man, it is very difficult to be around a woman who disrespects him.  On the converse, he gravitates to women who admire and respect him.  Therefore, find ways that will communicate with respect to your male friend.

A few tips to admire and respect men:

• Compliment him on his strengths and his character.
• Show appreciation to him when he helps you or someone else.
• Do not laugh at him.
• Do not embarrass him.
• Express to him that his opinions are valuable to you.

I personally love when anyone treats me with admiration and respect.  However, for a man, it is infinitely more important to him.

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4) Do not use him or lead him on.

In the season between “no boyfriend” to “courtship”, you can manipulate your male friend into posing or taking the place of a boyfriend.  You have no romantic interest in him, but he’s the only man available to meet your needs at this point in time. 

In this situation, you do everything that you would do with a boyfriend, without giving him that place in your heart. This is an unfortunate and sad state of affairs. What usually happens is that this type of selfish behavior destroys the friendship and it can even break the heart of a good man..

Another selfish act is to lead a man on. You make him believe that you’re interested in him and you are not. He’s just meeting your need to be adored until your prince shows up.

5) Deal with your issues.

The longer you live, the greater the chances that you would have experienced lots of disappointments, hurts, abuses, rejection and the like.  If you ignore, deny or conceal your issues, they will damage your friendships with men.  Hence, it is very important to keep growing and seriously address your baggage.  See a counsellor if you need to.  There’s no shame in that!

When you’re a healthy strong wise woman, you do not need to worry about deadbeat men.  Intuitively, they will adjust their behavior in your presence or vanish all together.  

6) Apply & respect boundaries.

Know yourself and apply proper boundaries to guard your heart and the heart of your male friend.  Consistently spending hours talking and sharing deeply with a man usually ends up in somebody being in love!  If the feeling is mutual, that is fantastic.  On the other hand, if it is one-sided, one person will be severely hurt and it can ruin the entire friendship. 

Tips on boundaries:

• Soberly think about the amount of time you spend with him.
• Determine how much you will divulge and when; 
• Consistently gauge your feelings about him;
• Evaluate his feelings and his interactions with you.
• Take appropriate action based on what you want your friendship to be and to go.

You do not want to place yourself in a situation where you are head over heels in love with a man and he has absolutely no interest in you.

Related articles:

Is He Showing Interest? 10 Pointers to Keep Your Confidence Intact

How to Carefully Choose a Close Female Friend | 5 Tips

Summary

I have some solid friendships with men who are truly my brothers.  For one of them, we gave each other tips on relating with the opposite sex when we were both single.  We are still very good friends today.  Do you have male Christian friends in your life?  What has helped you to nurture and maintain those friendships?  Please comment below so that the whole Petals Bloom community can benefit.  Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

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