It seems like there is a growing belief among Christian women that a man with many sexual experiences is more desirable than a man who has remained a virgin. How did we get there? One main source … the media!
Nothing could be future from the truth. The old adage still rings true …”Misery likes company”. It’s either God’s Word is true or it’s not. God’s guidelines are always to provide the best for us and protect us from harm. You do not need to take your cue from the movies, songs, books or social media because we can clearly see that for the marriages of many of those individuals are falling apart left, right and centre (and that’s if they marry at all).
Unfortunately, divorce and remarriage have become the norm … even in the church. However, people don’t tell you that a divorce is one of the most painful experiences that a person can go through in life. One of my divorced friends said that it was “like the ripping away of the flesh”. Ouchhhhhh!
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As a teenager, I embraced these same negative views about virgin men. I wanted a man who knew what to do when it came to sex. Not only that, the media makes sexually-experienced men the most attractive men with the greatest sexual appeal. They are daring, rugged and manly.
Many years later, I came to my senses (praise the Lord!) and I realised that marrying a playboy is anything but glamorous. I firmly believe that God redeems but that does not mean that there would be no consequences.
Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.” Galatians 6:7 (ESV)
If you hold the view that it is better to be with a sexual expert than a virgin man, let me share with you some points to consider:
1) We are all visual creatures, especially men. Unless he gets amnesia, he WILL remember his former sexual encounters. Undoubtedly, he will compare those women with you. This may lead to feelings of sexual dissatisfaction from him and insecurities within you. If in the “heat of the moment”, he calls you another woman’s name, that is pressure!
2) You might get one or several sexually transmitted diseases from him (an undesirable “gift” to you from his former lovers). There are lots more STDs than AIDS which will make your life very uncomfortable and even lead to infertility or death.
3) He may feel very unworthy of you and this insecurity can negatively affect your relationship with him.
4) When a couple has sex, a cuddle or love hormone called ‘oxytocin’ is released. The more sexual experiences that a person has had, the harder it is to bond with each new person, including you.
5) Sex before marriage can breathe feelings of distrust in the marriage.
Here are 4 benefits of marrying a virgin man:
1) Marrying a virgin man would eliminate sexual comparisons with you.
Both of you will be charting your own unique techniques and rhythm together. Although at the beginning he may not be an expert, both of you can grow in this skill of sexually satisfying one another. By the way, it takes 10000 hours to perfect a skill so just have sex often!
If he has had a problem with porn, he may also compare you with the fantasies lodged in his mind.
It is quite clear how the enemy is stealing the beauty of sex from us!
2) Sex between virgins can be exploratory and fun.
Neither you nor him need to have any prior sexual experience to enjoy sex in increasing measure. Don’t be afraid of the awkwardness. The first time might be awkward but, all people everywhere on the face of this planet know the basics. It has been wired into all our brains so just relax and have fun as you build intimacy in your future marriage.
3) A virgin man has self-control.
A man is naturally wired for sex. Therefore, if a Christian man has kept his virginity, then he has done something considered ‘impossible’ by most of the world. That’s an incredible, courageous man with a whole lot of conviction and self-control. That is a man who has learnt to entrust himself to God and depend on the Holy Spirit. He has recognized that he’s a highly intelligent human made in the image and likeness of God with the ability to exercise self control. He has come to the realization that he’s not merely an animal “in heat”.
A man like that will be better prepared to handle temptations (like infidelity) because he has trained himself, as a single man, to resist his own fleshly desires, temptresses and peer pressure. That is a man that you can most likely trust!
4) His bond with you will be stronger.
If your future husband is a virgin, then his ability to bond with you would be unmatched. You would have secured a special place in his heart and in his memory. Therefore, marrying a virgin man is not a bad idea at all!
Summary
I’m saying all of this to help you to not reject a virgin man. Rejection of virgin men is quite common because we have been brainwashed to think that a sexually-experienced man is “hot” and “sexy” whereas a virgin man is a pathetic reject. That picture does not line up with Scripture.
However, if you love a Christian man who was once sexually promiscuous and who has been truly transformed by Christ, God is able to redeem him. You may have your challenges, but God will give both of you the grace and I pray that God will set him free from every entanglement of the past. May he feel God’s unconditional love and acceptance through you.
Additionally, if you have been sexually promiscuous in the past, as long as you have repented, please know that you are not condemned and that God can bring a good man into your life. This article is primarily about embracing and marrying a virgin man.
To recap,
Here are 4 benefits of marrying a virgin man:
- Marrying a virgin man would eliminate sexual comparisons with you.
- Sex between virgins can be exploratory and fun.
- A virgin man has self-control.
- His bond with you will be stronger.
Thanks for stopping by!
#madeforlove
With love & laughter,
Kimberly Garth
Other Helpful Resources:
6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful
7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity
How to Beat Porn Addiction and Other Sexually Addictive Behaviors | 10 Practical Tips
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Recommended Books:
The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex by Josh McDowell
Givers, Takers And Other Kinds of Lovers by Josh McDowell
Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ’s Control byElisabeth Elliot
For more recommendations, check out:
https://kit.co/petalsbloom/books-for-single-christian-women
