The longer you remain single, you might develop certain qualities that may cause you to remain single or prevent a great marriage from happening. Without a doubt, nothing is wrong with wanting to remain unmarried because there are MANY benefits to being single. You can check out, “5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful”.
However, if you are ever planning on being married, it would be wise to resist a few tendencies that you might slowly develop if you’re not aware.
BE THE RIGHT WOMAN FOR THE RIGHT MAN!
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Here are 4 Traits to Avoid If You Want a Great Marriage:
1) Avoid being controlling.
You make your own money. You run your own life. You manage your money and your home in the ways you want. So what would happen if you a man enters the picture? For an unhappy marriage, you can demand that he adapts to your way of doing things. After all, your ways have proven to yield a lot of good results and you have tweaked your life along the way to get the best possible outcome (your efficient schedule, your pretty belongings, your orderly rooms, your financial investments, etc.).
Or you can adapt to him (and vice versa), even if he is a “novice” and you are the “pro”. In time, you will find that he will bring newness to your life and even improve some of your systems. Also, you may develop a good (much needed) dose of humility in the process.
2) Avoid being a neat freak.
Most men may appreciate a clean and orderly, but they may not take it to your level of cleaning and organizing. In our eyes, he can do better! (I know a few exceptions where the men are neat freaks and the women are very untidy.)
I recall a time when I was complaining about my mother’s friend when we visited her. If anything was accidentally spilled on her floor, she would begin to quarrel and waste no time in cleaning up the mess. Shortly after that visit, at my apartment, I was behaving the same way and my young male cousin had the courage to tell me that I was behaving just like my mother’s friend! Talk about a blind spot!😲
I’m not saying you should be messy, but you need to value the comfort and freedom of others above your propensity for perfectionism. Otherwise, your husband might feel like he’s living in a straight jacket. And who doesn’t want to feel total comfort when they are at home? Besides that, a man prefers that you have time for him and the family rather than expending most of your energies on cleaning the house.
Here are a few things that most men appreciate:
- He would appreciate your undivided attention when he’s sharing his thoughts and heart with you.
- Your future husband would appreciate if you were to have reserved energy for sex.
- He would most likely appreciate a sumptuous meal than a “spick and span” house.
- A wife that is calm and joyful than harassed and bothered about the house chores.
3) Avoid being selfish with your space and your belongings.
You are used to having your entire space to yourself. For instance, the bed is fully yours. Right now, you can lie diagonally, vertically or horizontally and no one is affected. When you get married, you have to learn to share every inch of your space and especially your bed. It will no longer be “your” things and “his” things. If you were to bring a washing machine into the marriage, then the washing machine would become “yours” and “his”.
I know our culture proposes a different set of values, but according to the Word of God, you become one when you marry. Marriage is a fusion of both a husband and a wife. Undoubtedly, it is NOT having a roommate with whom you have a sexual relationship from time to time.
“And said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:5-6
“We resist being one in our marriages and it often comes out in our finances.” – Shaunti Feldhahn
4) Avoid becoming inflexible.
It can be very taxing on a man to be with a woman who is bent on being too rigid. A healthy marriage requires a whole lot of adapting, from beginning until “death do you part”. If your future husband is not asking you to sin against God, then you might consider being more flexible with him and I pray that you’ll marry someone who is willing to adapt to you as well.
Here are a few ways that marriage requires flexibility:
- To try to meet some of his wants and needs.
- To embrace him as he changes throughout the marriage. And he will change! You will change as well.
- To adjust some of your expectations about him, about yourself and about marriage in general.
- To make sacrifices of your time, your desires, your interests, etc. for the sake of your family.
Summary
The longer you stay single, you will inadvertently develop at least one of the above traits that may cause you to remain single. But, you can fight against those tendencies if you are self-aware and intentional to put yourself in a position where you cannot always have your “own way”.
I was single for quite a while before I got married, so it has been challenging to adjust in some ways. For instance, when my husband is cooking, I have to occupy myself with other tasks because I am often tempted to instruct him on what to do and how to do it. Although I have more experience cooking, I have to shut my mouth and let him do as he pleases. Otherwise, all the meals will be cooked by me!😢 I must add that he’s become quite a good chef! (Men are really good cooks in my opinion.)
When you get married and you want everything done in your way and to your timing, you’ll soon realise that most of the responsibilities will land in your lap. Then, you can become very stressed out and resentful toward him. A word to the wise is sufficient!:)
Here are my suggestions:
- If you live alone and you are up for the challenge, get a housemate. Believe me, learning to live with others, who are not your family members, is good practice for learning flexibility. In my time as a single woman, I have had over 12 Christian housemates! I am sure I can write a whole heap on living with “roommates”!😂
- When you have a guest, resist the urge to clean every single minute. Embrace the disorder and enjoy the company.
- Intentionally share your space with others. Invite acquaintances, friends and family over.
- When your co-workers or your family members ask you to a task that is inconvenient to you, say “yes” at times and have a cheerful attitude as you do it.
“Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.” I Peter 4:9
To recap,
Here are 4 traits to avoid if you want a great marriage:
- Avoid being controlling.
- Avoid being a neat freak.
- Avoid being selfish with your space and your belongings.
- Avoid becoming inflexible.
Thanks for stopping by!
#madeforlove
With love & laughter,
Kimberly Garth
Other Helpful Resources:
6 Blind Spots Keeping Love Away
10 Practical Ways to Improve Your Chances of Meeting the One
5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful
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Recommended Books:
Quest for Love: True Stories of Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot
Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald
Brokenness, Surrender, Holiness: A Revive Our Hearts Trilogyby Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth
